I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
