OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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