i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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