she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
