Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
