don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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