why didn't you poke me back
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I want a musical about memes.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
