nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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