i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
