I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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