So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
