dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
