I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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