Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
