You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
