Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I have fence marks all over my body
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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