I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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