Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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