Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he laminated a picture of his dick.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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