OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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