We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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