chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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