I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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