i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
