Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
