I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
