dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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