i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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