It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
