I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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