giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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