Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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