I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
