never play flip cup with pint glasses
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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