He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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