i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I supernannyed him into submission
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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