She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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