Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
