i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
