i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I cut my penus on the lid.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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