oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have aggressive nipples.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
