I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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