Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
