soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
