you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
