Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
