you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
