please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
