It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
