"it" just moved
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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