Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
