I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
