I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
