i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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