Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
