i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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