She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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