I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
