I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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