he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
