he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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