I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
