i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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