I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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