i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
