i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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