Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
