Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
