You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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